So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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