There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
