So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
