He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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