his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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