he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
