I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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