my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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