i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who died my cat blue again?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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