The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
