VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
