I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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