If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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