For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
