just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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