Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
