Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
