I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
