I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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