Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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