He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
