Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
