There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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