Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
