You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
