Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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