our cab driver is having phone sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize