whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
