She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
PANTIES FOUND
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