you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
