Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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