I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
