marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
