She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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