"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
