My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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