she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
