honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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