hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
