just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
