just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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