I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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