I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
