Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
