i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
