I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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