guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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