I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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