I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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