Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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