watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
