Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
