yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
