I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my penis made a compromise with my morals
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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