You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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