How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
