yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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