So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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